Given how this day started, it’s completely fitting that it ended with Penny throwing up pumpkin guts on my carpet.
David missed his bus this morning. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. School is only five minutes away, I can give him a ride. Bonus for him because it’s dark this time of year and no one can see me unshowered and without make-up.
But in Davidworld, nothing is ever that simple. First we need a scapegoat. Cameron. Naturally. If tomorrow he did something wrong, and blamed voices in his head for telling him to do it instead of finding a way to pin it on Cameron, I’d almost welcome it. At least it would be something new.
But since unpredictability isn’t David’s forte, he launched into a rant about how it was Cameron’s fault that he missed the bus because Cameron wouldn’t give him the TV remote, and that’s how he checks the time.
Nevermind that there are clocks on the stove, microwave, home phone, mantle, and the cell phone he carries in his pocket. Not relevant in Davidworld because that would make him the one who is accountable.
And when Justin is in a disagreeable mood too, it’s like using gasoline and a flame thrower to light a hibachi. Justin didn’t want to get dressed because he was finishing a game on my phone. David was yelling at him to hurry up, causing Justin to be all the more deliberate with his game, which made David madder at Justin, who saw this and blatantly disregarded David’s hysterical admonitions to hurry up, which made David just a red mustache and a ten gallon hat away from looking like Yosemite Sam about to blow a gasket.
So that was the morning. Tonight David broke his bicycle chain, and while Barry was out trying to fix it, Justin insisted we carve a pumpkin, which involves knives, which is always somewhat terrifying.
We finished our jack-o-lantern with no one losing a finger or an eye, and all was well until Justin went to take it outside and dropped it, then cried because I couldn’t put Humpty back together again, then put a completely unnecessary beat down on Alex because he claimed Alex took one of the pieces of the pumpkin.
And judging from the contents of the mess I just cleaned up, Penny obviously hoovered up a little bit of the pumpkin innards that didn’t make it onto the newspaper spread out on the kitchen table.
Evidently they didn’t agree with her.
© Jennifer Alys Windholz, 2011