Nerves of Steel

I mentioned that I’m looking for a career change now that we are a step closer to socialized medicine.  No need for underwriters if the government is going to set your prices for you.

Anyway I was thinking that I would be a really good hostage negotiator. Seriously.  Nerves of steel.

So let me get this straight, you’re at Dunkin’ Donuts and you’ve got eight people you won’t let go until you get $3 million and a plane to Barbados?  And until your demands are met you are going to kill one hostage per hour by stuffing their nostrils and mouths with donut holes until they suffocate?  Got it.  But let me ask you this, let’s say, hypothetically I put your french fries on the RIGHT side of your napkin instead of the left and then put the ketchup where you “can’t reach it.”  How are you going to react?  You would just move the ketchup?  Yeah well where I come from, that kind of move has consequences.  You are no match for me, pal.

A terrorist has a suitcase nuke and is threatening to level Six Flags over Texas unless all Al Qaeda prisoners worldwide are released?  Well you tell Mr. Terrorist that I’ve dealt with bigger fish than him.  Have you ever seen what happens when a 7 year-old eats his 4 year-old brother’s last piece of grape Laffy Taffy?  After the aftermath of that, I would welcome the opportunity to deal with your little scenario.

© Jennifer Alys Windholz, 2009

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