A++ Story By, David M. Weiner, Grade 4
Welcome foolish mortals. Prepare yourself for the most frightening nightmare ever. This school is only for the dead. If you ever come into this school living, we will throw you in the dungeon until death!
This is our principal. She has very strict rules. If you don’t do anything bad for the entire day you will have to go to her office and do nothing for twenty-four hours straight. I did that once, not a pretty picture.
My teacher’s name is Mr. Creepyskull. He’s awesome, he lets us have roasted shoes during class, and poison for a drink. This school is pretty awesome if you are a ghoul, but sometimes I just don’t get it because we used to be humans, but died. And we hated the stuff we ghouls eat and drink. Everything was going exactly the way I wanted it to be, but then there was an announcement,
“Today we will be eating a new thing for lunch. Pizza and soda,”
We all groaned. I could see Mr. Creepyskull cursing under his breath. Darn it, pizza is as gross as a flower.
The lunch was awful! I asked my teacher if I could go to the bathroom so I could throw up in peace. I remember exactly what I did. I took the first bite and felt something come up my throat when I swallowed. It was the most bitter taste ever! The soda they gave us was Dr. Pepper. I smelled it before I tasted it. The smell was awful. It was like a rancid stench. Then the worst part happened. I tasted it. It was overripe, raw and rotten. Trust me, now I’ll look at that crimped and lumpy menu again. I threw my lunch in the trash. I hated this day now.
After lunch we went to Gym. Everyone describes it as the deadliest place in the world. We have ten terrible kids in the class. Judy Blackschmirtz is the dumbest in the class. Dane Dug is the fastest. Harry Jacksonskull is the scariest, including Jon Sinkerminkwinker, who is such a show-off and loves himself. He is so unpleasant and disturbing.
And going to the gym is the most breathtaking journey in the school. Our teacher, Mr. Torture, is the scariest in the school.
“Today we will be running four marathons. You will go through the African Jungle, go in some quicksand and die. Then keep doing it four times.”
I felt queasy. I did not want to run four marathons without stopping. I spoke up.
“Mr. Torture, I don’t feel good!”
“I’m sorry,” he said, “unfortunately, you’re going to have to run!”
Now I really felt queasy. I heard him curse under his breath. I did too. We started running. Once we were at the Pacific Ocean, something started to smell fishy. We all started swimming. It smelled so bad I thought I should drown purposely. It took me about 31 days until I finished four marathons, and it was amazing that I didn’t die.
After that we went to Art. Today we have to use the horse poop. I asked Mrs. Icky if we could draw it, but she yelled at me and said no, spitting a little bit.
My assigned seat is right next to Selena Demi on my right and Brad Daddy on my left. I didn’t like those two because they’re the two best kids in the school. Mrs. Icky did some sort of death glare at me. I tried to glare back. She started to yell and spit again.
She yelled out, “Make what I am making!”
She started to make some sort of hawk, but then I discovered that it was a dead hawk. After we made it, we set it out to dry and went to music class. When we walked in, Mrs. Toiletbuns started singing a song that means people are happy to die. Then Luna Chissycle spoke up and said, “That’s what I sang when I was about to die!”
Then Mrs. Toiletbuns said, “Very good!”
“Oh please,” all the boys said, “that song is just for people who want to die, not about to die,” said Chase Nuts.
“Perhaps,” said our teacher, but then she just moved right along to the other thing we were going to do, which I hate.
We dashed to the drums just to get it over with. It was a three-minute song, but to me it felt like half an hour. Then we just started to play our instruments. Davey McCoy was playing an old rusty guitar and playing a haunted song. After that we had to go to the grossest, sloppiest, most disturbing and disgusting place ever – Science!
Our Science teacher is Mr. Lloyd. His skin is all greenish-looking. He wears a black ripped-up shirt with a tie that is so beat up it looked like he had worn that thing forever. He had one yellow eye, a crooked mouth, his nose was chopped off, and he had no hair. His voice was also a bit squeaky. You’d get queasy if you looked him in the eye.
“Today we will be digesting mummies and frogs,” he said.
We all groaned when we had to digest the mummy, but cheered for the frog. We all ate the mummy first.
“This tastes horrible,” I said to everyone.
“I think we all know,” said Invisible Boy.
After we ate that putrid mummy, we ate the frog. It tasted rotten and sour. We all enjoyed it. After science we all got our slimy backpacks and went home. I guess the terrifying day of Ghoul School is over and I guess this is goodbye for now.
© David M. Weiner, 2009