I have about four different posts cooking right now and I just can’t seem to finish any of them. I’ve just been in a weird place for the last few weeks and can’t seem to organize my thoughts. But I have to keep my small but loyal following happy so I’m reaching back into the archives. Cameron got a haircut today and in the matter of a few minutes went from not wanting a cut at all to wanting it to look like Joe Mauer to wanting a buzz cut. I think we landed somewhere between Mauer and a buzz.

Anyway it made me think of this gem from four years ago.

June 14, 2006

Yesterday when I picked up the kids from daycare, Karen’s 14 year-old son, Jason, who has had longish “hockey hair” for three years, had cut his hair “down to the wood,” as my friend Marc would say. He was getting ready for baseball season and he and a friend decided to use the clippers on each other’s hair. David, who hasn’t been wanting to get a haircut and is (was) looking a little shaggy, decided he wanted to do it too. So I told him I’d get out the clippers and give him a short cut. Well, we ended up forgetting and as he was getting ready for bed he decided he wanted it done right then. I fought the idea for a little while and then relented and took him outside to get the party started.

It did not go well.

The clippers I have are apparently not as sharp as they once were and they were pulling his hair a little bit. I decided to use another attachment and realized I’d cut a very, very short patch from the side of his head. So then I tried to match that and only when I had half of his head done did I realize how short it was. Meanwhile, we’re on the patio, being attacked by mosquitoes and getting hair all over the place. David is upset because it’s taking so long and his hair is being pulled. I’m trying to even it out and becoming painfully aware that I’ve made a colossal error in judgment. Barry comes out, sees the carnage and is visibly alarmed, but says through his teeth, “It looks GOOD!” Cameron is opening and closing the sliding glass door, letting all the bugs in the house. The motion-sensitive light keeps going on and off.

Finally I get to the point where it’s all relatively even and I trim around his ears and neck.

It looks like he’s ready for Marine Corps basic training.

There are still patchy places where there is more hair, but David won’t let me fix it because it’s cold and he wants to go inside.

We go in so he can hop in the shower. He takes a look in the mirror and declares that all of his friends are going to make fun of him. “No, it’s CUTE,” we keep saying. “It’s just like Daddy’s. Kevin Garnett cuts his hair even shorter! Jason SHAVED his friend’s hair yesterday. Yours is longer than that,” I lie.

The only consolation is, his hair grows fast. And he does like to wear baseball caps. It may look sort of normal in three weeks or so. Hopefully I haven’t scarred him for life.

© 2010


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