So here is the conversation with my three-year old son that closed out a very trying weekend with my kids.
Alex (lying at his bedroom door strumming the heat register on the wall, after I’d chased him back to bed one thousand times): “Mom, are there monsters in here?”
Me: “Yes. So you’d better get back to bed before they get you.”
Alex (looking over at me with some concern): “Are they in there?”
Me: “Yes, you’d better hurry up and get back to bed before they see you. They’re big.”
He scooted off to bed pretty quickly.
Here is a partial tally of the damages for the weekend.
- One vertical blind and toggle screws torn clean out of the wall. Justin was climbing it, David sat and watched him do it while I was upstairs making lunch Saturday. Status: It’s been jury rigged back up, but will ultimately need to be replaced.
- One 3’x5′ wall hanging pulled off the wall. Luckily it fell onto the couch and we avoided shattered glass all over kids who were apparently standing on said couch. Status: Back on the wall, maybe a little crooked because I didn’t feel like pounding in a new nail.
- One trip to the Minnesota Zoo cancelled. Status: Not in this lifetime unless some major behavior changes take place.
- One side and elbow red with road rash after Justin fell off his bike.
- One souvenir Maasai beaded bracelet given to me by a friend who went on safari in Kenya, intact when Alex took it with him when he laid down for a nap. Status: No longer a bracelet, no longer beaded.
- One breakaway basketball hoop, completely broken away by an aluminum baseball bat. Status: Clipped back on, not sure about future stability.
- One bruised head incurred when Alex stole Cameron’s baseball card, Cameron chased Alex, and Alex came running into my room seeking refuge and smacked his head on the side of my laptop. Status: I had no sympathy for him at the time because I’d told them both five times to settle down. I did feel bad later when I noticed the bruise.
- One dent in the gray van, made by Justin with an aluminum baseball bat. Status: This was a tale told by Cameron and I did not actually go out to assess because I did not want to be arrested tonight.
- Time-outs: 30?
- Spankings: No less than 4.
- Times Jennifer yelled, “Goddammit!!”: Can’t count that high.