Hazy Shade Of Winter

It’s about this time of year when I start to lose it. It’s been snowing for over 24 hours now. Just when I was able to finally see some grass last week when the temps got into the upper 30’s and melted some snow, we’re buried again. At the very least, for the past couple of years, business trips to warmer climes would at least give me a few days reprieve from the endless winter doldrums. Since this year I’m not working for the Man, I don’t even have that to look forward to.

What I do wait in anxious anticipation for is the winter song that is going to begin to drive me absolutely batshit crazy by March because a.) it’s a terrible song, and b.) every radio station plays it 20 times a day. Each year there is always one. And forever after that, just hearing one or two measures of one of these songs puts me instantly back to that cold February and the brink of insanity.

How bad can one song be, you ask? Let’s take a little stroll down memory lane.

2010 – The no-talent, Lady Gaga wannabe, Ke$ha, gave us the dreadful Tik Tok.

2006 – Did anyone else have a Bad Day as soon as you heard the lame song by Daniel Powter? Also is he any relation to that diet woman with the buzz cut, Susan Powter, who said you could eat like all the sugar and carbs you wanted as long as there was no fat in it? And what ever happened to her?

2004 – My Immortal by Evanescence isn’t necessarily a bad song, but it’s a depressing one.

2003 – Clocks by Coldplay is also a good song, but something about that piano line is melancholy and meshes well with the winter blues.

1998 – Céline Dion. My Heart Will Go On. Enough said.

1994 – Seems like every decade there is a Swedish group that kind of comes and goes. In the 90’s it was Ace of Base. Their song, The Sign, maybe wasn’t that annoying the first time I heard it, but by the time it had aired for the gazillionth time, I saw the sign, and it said STOP.

1993 – Before there was Céline, there was Whitney Houston and I Will Always Love You.

1992 – I was living in Germany the winter of 1992. I liked listening to Armed Forces Radio because people spoke English, which was nice to hear, and I could catch an occasional NCAA basketball game and NPR on there. Unfortunately it came with really bad American Top 40 music, which included Right Said Fred and I’m Too Sexy.

1990 – Taylor Dane’s Love Will Lead You Back.

1989 – The 80’s version of Britney Spears was the über wholesome, Debbie Gibson. Incidentally, I think she has posed for Playboy, while Britney I don’t think has, so who’s the bigger tramp? In 1989 she gave the world Lost In Your Eyes, and we were never the same again.

1988 – If Britney Spears was Debbie Gibson, then I suppose Christina Aguilera was Tiffany. In 1988, all we had was the car radio, unless you had a mullet and a Pioneer car stereo. So you dragged Main with your BFFs singing Could’ve Been while trying to find a 21 year-old townie to score you some wine coolers.

1986 – Hard to believe that the group Starship evolved from iconic 60’s band Jefferson Airplane. They played Woodstock and wrote hardcore songs like White Rabbit. Flash forward to 1986, and Starship was whining about Sara.

© Jennifer Alys Windholz, 2011


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