Aged Burgundy

My brother, Chad, can quote probably every line of Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, along with every other Will Ferrell movie. He has a problem. I only saw Anchorman once, when it came out in 2004. I thought it was funny, but wasn’t blown away. Barry thought a little less of it.

Chad called me late on my birthday the next year. I was pregnant with Justin, and the worst birthday (which fell on Mother’s Day) ever was coming to a merciful end. He was drunk, quoting lines from Anchorman. And wouldn’t break character. And his cell phone was inaudible. I was simultaneously amused and irritated. I’m not sure how the call ended, but I know it never did turn into a conversation with Chad, just with Mr. Burgundy.

Anyway, I must say, I really didn’t appreciate the genius that is Anchorman: The Legend of Run Burgundy, until David recorded it recently, and has been playing it over and over again this week. I find myself recalling the most absurd lines, and snickering to myself at red lights.

“Where did you get those suits? From the toilet store?”
“Brick, where’d you get a hand grenade?”
“I have no idea how he got ahold of German pornography. But we’re both mature adults, you and I have both seen our share of pornographic materials. Oh you never have? Of course you haven’t, how stupid of me. Neither have I. I was just speaking in generalities. Right. I’ll stop by the school later, Sister Margaret. Bye.”
“I ate a big red candle.”
“I’m in a glass case of emotion.”
“The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show…”
“Put down the gun and just let the marching band go. We’ll play it off as a prank.”
“Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.”

© Jennifer Alys Windholz, 2011


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