When I woke up this morning I thought I had a blog post all written. I had taken extensive notes, on a whiteboard, before my husband made me drive our RV out of the Arby’s parking lot, which was across the street from the U.S. Air Force Academy graduation ceremony, which was filled with other road trippers, who were heading to a wake surfing competition. The RV driving was not going well. I think I was about to mow down an entire row of cars just before I awoke.
It was one of those dreams where you’re almost conscious enough to know you’re in a dream. At some point I realized that I really wanted to photograph the USAFA graduation, but I’d missed it, and I was mad. But then I realized, no, I didn’t miss it, it’s not until June. But then I realized, wait, I don’t even live in Colorado, how am I going to attend. And then I finally realized that I was in the middle of a dream, and was back to being mad again.
Anyway, this blog post would have been really funny. I’m still trying to recreate the notes I wrote in my head. It was blatantly stealing from The Onion in that it was going to be based on one of their “Advice Columns,” which are always brilliant and hilarious. They have titles like Ask A Girl Whose Boyfriend Went To Six Flags With Someone Else, Ask A Man Who Bought A Wrestling Pay-Per-View That’s Not Showing Up On The Screen For Some Reason, or Ask A High School English Teacher Pressed Into Duty As The JV Basketball Coach After The Previous Coach Abruptly Resigned.
Anyway, my title was going to be Ask A Man Talking On A Pay Phone At Arby’s To The Woman He’s Having An Extramarital Affair With. It was pretty funny in my dream. Now I need to extract it from my brain. Stay Tuned.
© Jennifer Alys Windholz, 2011