A few friends of mine turned me onto probably the most relevant new book I’ve seen in ages. Go the Fuck to Sleep, written by Adam Mansbach is scheduled for release on June 14, 2011 by Akashic Books, and has already become an internet sensation (unfortunately partly due to a pirated PDF version being circulated), resonating with exasperated parents everywhere.
Sing-songy rhymes amidst lush animal illustrations by Ricardo Cortés are peppered with salty language that gets right at what parents want. For their children to stop acting like fucking caged zoo animals and to go the fuck to sleep. This is what I want right this moment, as I type this, wiping spittle from the screen of my laptop from hissing and yelling at them to get back to bed. It’s refreshing to know that I’m not the only one who has these thoughts.
Children are sociopaths. They suck you in by acting endearing, sweet and charming one minute, then they do a bait and switch and trash your house like a bunch of frat boys the next. You lose your mind a bit each day trying to anticipate and head off their next plot. It’s not for the faint-hearted.
Someone told my husband once, “We’ve never punished our children in anger.”
He can suck it. Even if that’s true, I predict the probability of his kids being driven home in the back of a squad car as teenagers is no lower than it would be for mine.
Now my sociopaths are whining because they’re hot and want the air conditioner turned on. Tough shit. I’m guessing that getting out of bed and running downstairs every two minutes and chasing the dog around the house might cause you to work up a sweat. Should have thought that one through.
© Jennifer Alys Windholz, 2011