Super Marketing

My post The Bare Necessities yesterday resonated with a lot of folks out there. On the opposite side of that coin are shopping trips to the supermarket. A reverse phenomenon happens when men (and by “men,” I am referring to my husband) set foot in a grocery store. My husband left the house Saturday morning, the time when at least one kid is guaranteed to be either crying about something or destroying something, saying he was going to the store to get milk, and that he’d be “right back.”

Nearly an hour later he came back with four bags of “groceries.”

  • Graham crackers
  • Microwave popcorn
  • A newspaper
  • Milk
  • 4 bottles of generic liquid hand soap (Which I hate because it smells like hospital, but he buys anyway because he thinks he’s getting an amazing deal. Maybe he’s putting away the 28 cents he saves per bottle to whisk me away to Bermuda or something.)
  • Spaghetti sauce
  • 3 boxes of angel hair pasta
  • Pretzels
  • Microwave oatmeal packets
  • 4 boxes of cereal
  • Hershey’s miniatures (He has a secret stash too.)
  • 4 frozen pizzas (All half pepperoni/half cheese…even though the last time we made frozen pizza for the kids, there was nearly rioting because no one wanted the pepperoni, and everyone wanted the cheese, resulting in a severe cheese shortage, and abundant leftover pepperoni that is probably still sitting in the fridge wrapped up in foil.)
  • Margarine
  • Windex (To go with the other four half-empty bottles in the closet.)
  • Ice cream
  • Tortilla chips

Now, other than the obvious “Eye-talian” feast, I dare you to find enough usable ingredients to prepare a meal for a family of six. Yet he will expect accolades and recognition for doing me a favor by going to the store for me.

Thanks, honey.

© Jennifer Alys Windholz, 2011


6 thoughts on “Super Marketing

  1. AGREED! My boyfriend goes grocery shopping and comes home (after spending $80) with doritoes, cheese it’s, diet pepsi, cookies, slimy packaged lunch meat, frozen pizza…let’s just say anything that is not healthy and that you can’t make a meal with. But he’s so proud and wants to show you every item as he pulls it out of the bag. when I grocery shop, he complains there’s nothing to eat. : )

    • Yes, they are so desperate for a pat on the back for every trivial thing. I heard a marriage counselor say once that you need to give that to your husband, because it builds them up and makes them feel better. I think I turned the channel in about a second. Grow up, husbands, you don’t get a medal every time you take YOUR kids to the park.

  2. My husband drives me nuts when he shops! Not only does he have to read the back of every single item for a good ten minutes, he also has to compare each and every item by size and unit price. Then he does the calculations to see what is the best deal and then buys more than we need. Half of it is crap that is generic and/or disgusting and never gets eaten so it does not end up saving us any money. He walks around the store like he has nowhere better to be for the next week while I have two children driving me nuts in the cart. I don’t have time for that shit. That’s why he goes with me to the store about once every six months!

    • OMG, the last time I went with my husband he did the same thing. He was agonizing over granola bars for like 10 minutes while I had already made it through three more aisles. That was a looooonnnnnggg time ago. I haven’t gone with him again since.

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