Figuring conservatively, I’ve decided that I spend at least three entire DAYS just looking for shit that my kids have lost. Three days. Not just three 9-5 banker hour days, three full, 24-hour days. That’s 72 hours I could be reading, cleaning, exercising, binge drinking, or sleeping. Things that are all more productive than rooting around under beds and digging through toy boxes, closets, recycling bins, drawers, book shelves, pockets, garbage cans, cars, couch cushions, and the yard looking for the TV remote, the DVR remote, the DVD remote, the downstairs remote, the bedroom remote, the kitchen phone, the downstairs phone, the bedroom phone, black dress pants, doll shoes, math assignments, library books, school folders, pencil sharpeners, rulers, Rapunzel, Justin’s bear, Alex’s blanket, Cameron’s blanket, David’s phone charger, Cameron’s iPod, Barry’s phone, Barry’s glasses, Justin’s wallet, Cameron’s money, basketballs, recorder cases, swimming suits, Dorothy, pillow pets, scooters, baseball gloves, hats, mittens, shoes, boots, gloves, jackets, socks, mermaids, pens, mechanical pencils, sunglasses, jock straps, Snow White, Snow White’s dress, baseball bats, teddy bears, dog leashes, brown crayons, spelling lists, baseball cards, tennis balls, Sharpies, finished homework, gum, Hot Wheels cars, McDonald’s toys, Goodnight Moon, DVDs, jeans that fit, lunch bags, puzzle pieces, GI Joe, cleats, earphones, extension cords, Band-Aids, specific clothing items, Ariel, goggles, screwdrivers, notebooks, jerseys, cameras, shark tooth necklaces, markers, duffel bags, artwork, ticket stubs, Cameron’s planner, mardi gras beads, Squishies, bath toys, batting gloves, ChapStick, Spider-Man action figures, microscopic weapons that go with action figures, umbrellas, frisbees, Scotch tape, dice, the Indiana Jones bag, drawing paper, computer logins and passwords, Cinderella, Nintendo DSi stylos, baseball mitts, Silly Bandz, birthday cards, doll dresses, scissors, water bottles, game pieces, Belle, Tiana, Sleeping Beauty, Legos, books, erasers, Tech Deck skateboards, trophies, coins, pajama pants, kid-flavored toothpaste, and backpacks.
© Jennifer Alys Windholz, 2012