Is It Wrong That Sometimes I Wish I Were Deaf?

Highlights from this evening. Subtitled: Why I want to send my kids to military school.

“Mom, I’m just being real with Cameron, he needs to know that he pitched terrible tonight.”
“I don’t want to go in there by myself, come with me.”
“David, my team doesn’t stink. This was only our second game.”
“I NEVER GET TO SIT IN THAT SEAT!!!”
“Mom. You KNEW I wanted something. I called your cell phone FOURTEEN times, why didn’t you answer?”
“Because my phone was in my camera bag right next to you.”
“David was making faces at me while I was pitching.”
“OH. Come on, Cameron. Tattle tale much? You’re gonna get beaten up in high school.”
“David, why can’t you say one nice thing about your brother?”
“You guys are ALL criticizing me.”
“Well David, if you’re going to criticize, be ready to hear it in return.”
“Cameron, your teams never even work on pitching or anything.”
“Oh yeah, David, well at least I don’t lie about being the fastest one in my grade.”
“I never said I was the fastest in my grade. I said I was fastest in my GYM class. And you always say you’re the fastest.”
“That’s because I am.”
“Then why were you in the SHORT run?”
“Because I TRY for the short run.”
“I’m not sitting down. NOW I HAVE NOWHERE TO SIT!!!”
“Everyone STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW!!!”
“I don’t WANT salami. You’re the worst cook ever. You never make anything good.”
“You missed the turn? I’m going to be late!!!”
“YOU ATE ALL OF MY DINNER, THOSE FRENCH FRIES WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MINE!!!”
“DAD!!! Pick up your stupid PHONE. Why won’t he ANSWER?!!!”
“Why couldn’t you have gotten some lettuce? All I wanted was a salad.”
“Alex, what did you scratch the TV with?”
“My science teacher is so stupid, I got all of this homework due tomorrow when everyone else had a WEEK.”
“I’ll tell you if you’re not gonna be mad at me. I just scratched it with a pin.”
“You said you’d buy chocolate syrup!!!”
“I’m not going to bed.”
“I’m not going to be quiet until you help me find my Dorothy doll!”
“I’m sorry but I got all the strawberries out.”
“Fine. I’m gonna make Penny mad.”

© Jennifer Alys Windholz, 2012

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