Remember when Rachel got sick of Ross being all jealous, and suggested they just take a break? And Ross promptly went out and slept with the girl from the copy store? And when Rachel found out, his excuse was, “We were on a break!”
And even though technically they were, everyone but Ross seemed to acknowledge that it was still wrong, and that he shouldn’t have done it. And the more he said it, the more you wanted to kick him in the nuts, but he continued to say it for years.
David’s “We were on a break!” is “I barely touched him!”
Every time I get mad at him for physically going after one of his brothers, it’s the same response.
Slapping Cameron’s face because he didn’t like something he said at lunch. “I BARELY touched him!”
Shoving Alex out of the way because he’s blocking the TV. “I BARELY touched him!”
Smacking Justin on the back because he’s being annoying. “I BARELY touched him!”
In some instances it’s the truth, more often it’s not. Either way, he shouldn’t be touching them at all, and the argument is invalid, and I don’t want to hear it. Pretty soon they’re all going to be big enough that no one will be given protected status, and I’m just going to let them all beat each other to a bloody pulp. Then maybe Justin and Alex will learn to stop being pests, Cameron will learn to ignore the rest of them when they’re doing or saying something stupid to him, and maybe if the three of them work together, David will get a taste of his own medicine.
And when someone asks me what kind of parents just sit back and let this happen, I’ll say, “We were on a break.”
© Jennifer Alys Windholz, 2012