Number one. When your transaction at the check-out line is finished, that is your cue to MOVE. ON. It’s not time for you to balance your checkbook, or dig in your purse for your keys, or swap out your bifocals for your sunglasses. No. What you need to be doing is getting the fuck out of the next customer’s way. That little 5″ x 12″ counter is not your office space.
Number two. Double-wide strollers do not belong in the swimming pool locker room, clogging up the entrance like a piece of arterial plaque. If your spoiled little three-year-old can’t walk from the parking lot to the pool, she’s probably too delicate for the water. And at museums, fairs, and amusement parks, you need to park the big-ass bastard OUTSIDE of closed-in spaces, especially if your damn kid isn’t even sitting in the stupid thing.
Number three. If you’re attempting to cash a third-party check from the Bank of Moldova, maybe the drive-through lane at the bank isn’t the best option for you.
Number four. Since it takes longer to back your vehicle into a space than backing out of a space (this especially goes for trophy wives driving oversized Hummers or Navigators), you are not actually saving any time in the grand scheme of things. The only people who should be backing into spaces are drivers of emergency vehicles, and Batman.
© Jennifer Alys Windholz, 2012