Opening Arguments

David and Cameron will argue about anything. It’s exhausting. A sampling below. I especially love how in one breath David dismisses something as being “stupid,” and then in the next, claims that he’s better at it.

David: “Cameron, why do you have a website for your drawings? No one is going to see it.”
Cameron: “People see it. I have a real artist who’s following me.”
David: “A real artist? I doubt it, Cameron. Whatever.”
Cameron: “He is. He has a website with his drawings, I’ve seen them.”
David: “I doubt it. Anyway, it’s stupid to have a website.”
Cameron: “Shut up, David. Name one thing you’re good at besides sports.”
David: “Ah. Cameron. I’m good at everything.”
Cameron: “Name something.”
David: “Pitching. Catching. Hitting.”
Cameron: “I said besides sports.”
David: “When I was in second grade I drew all the time, the only reason I’m not good at it now is because I haven’t done it. I’m way better than you.”
Cameron: “What? Uh, David, no way. There’s no way you’re better at art than me.”
David: “I’m a lot more creative than you.”
Cameron: “YOU ARE NOT! Not at all.”
David: “Yes I am. You’re not good at anything else.”
Cameron: “I’m in Choir. Singing.”
David: “Oh, Cameron, you sing terrible.”
Cameron: “I do not. And so, you’re not even in Choir.”
David: “Because Choir’s stupid.”
Cameron: “So, I’m still better at singing than you.”
David: “Oh, NO. NO. NO. Mom! You have to agree with me on this.” (I’m not getting involved. I’m trimming chicken breasts with laser sharp focus.) Mom?”
Cameron: “No you’re not, David.”
David: “Ugh, Cameron, yes I am. Mom even says I have perfect pitch. MOM!”
Me: “That’s true, Cameron, he does. But I don’t think it really counts since he never sings.”
David: “It does TOO count.”
Me: “Well, you can’t really brag about being good at something if you have a talent and never use it.”
David: “Whatever. I’m still a better singer than you, Cameron.”
Me: “You know what you BOTH have a talent for? Arguing. If Arguing were an Olympic sport you’d both come away with a gold medal.”
Cameron: “That is true. I’d totally win.”
David: “No you wouldn’t.”
Cameron: “I would too.”
David: “No, because it’s not even REAL.”
Cameron: “So.”
Me: (Head. Wall. Repeat.)

© Jennifer Alys Windholz, 2013


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