Simmer, Don’t Boil

The morning before school routine at my house is a delicate dance, and if you don’t adhere to the intricately choreographed steps it will quickly turn into a clown show.

For example, I know that my 6-year-old will spend the first 15-20 minutes after he wakes up insisting that he’s not going to school. Just go with it. My 8-year-old will refuse to brush his teeth until 5 minutes before the bus comes. Don’t bother nagging until 7:52. My 11-year-old will lie about having brushed his teeth, and will inevitably be searching for something he lost. Call him on it.

It’s all quite simple, if not maddening, and I am well aware that we’re an ill-fitting sock, a mediocre lunch selection, or a missing sketchpad away from full-on meltdown. It’s an extremely volatile environment, and it’s important to keep things at a low simmer, then if something does ignite I can just throw a little baking soda on it or smother it with a lid, and we can move on. You can’t lose your shit with them unless there has been no progress at all, and you have to mean business.

My husband, despite my pleading for him to just get in the shower, get ready for work, and let us be, frequently insists on coming upstairs after his workout to “help.” Unfortunately he brings a full can of gasoline and a lit match with him, and the next thing you know I’m running for the fire extinguisher, which is loud, dramatic, messy, and would have been completely unnecessary had proper protocol been followed.

And guess who is left to clean up the aftermath?


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