Cup Nuts

So one thing I never knew about until David was seven years old, and starting his first year of baseball was protective cups and athletic supporters, or more commonly known as jock straps. I didn’t understand how you put your feet into them, which way the cup was supposed to go, or how they should fit. My husband dealt with it initially, but since then I’ve become relatively well-schooled in the subject since it generally falls to me to get a gaggle of Little Leaguers dressed out pretty much every night May through June.

One thing I have not figured out, and would like someone of the male species, or a retailer to explain, is why the athletic supporters are only sold with a cup? Same with compression shorts. The supporters and shorts are good for one or two seasons at best, but the cups are indestructible. As they should be. So I can easily hose those things down with Lysol and Clorox wipes, and they’re ready to be handed down to the next kid, but the rest of the outfit isn’t suitable for man, child, or beast.

As a result, I’m overrun with cups. I have adult cups, youth cups, and peewee (Yes, the size is actually labeled as peewee. Har.) cups in almost any size. It’s like they multiply, and I find them lurking everywhere.

Last night we had a nut cup crisis before Justin and Alex’s game. Their compression shorts were pretty snug, the cups weren’t staying secure, and resulted in ear-piercing cries of:

“It keeps going sideways!”
“It feels weird!”
“It’s too small!”
“It’s too big!”
“It pinches!”
“It moved AGAIN!”
“It’s gonna move when I run!!!!!”

I had to call in David to give Justin a talk about how it was ok to make, ahem, adjustments, on the field, because guys in the MLB are doing that all the time. He actually had some good big brother advice.

“Justin, the only reason it’s there is to stop you from getting hit in the balls and puking. Just ignore it, and if it moves out of place, put it back. Also, I wear a jock strap.”

Alex’s protests were more vigorous. Finally I told him to just take it out. And he did in the car and now I can’t find it in there.

So that leads us back to the why can’t I just buy a supporter conundrum. I went to two places today, looking for jock straps. The first major sports retailer only had compression shorts (with cups), which were the source of the whole mess. So I bought two supporter/cups at the second location, and then got home to find that someone had taken the damn supporter out of the stupid package, leaving only THE CUP! So now I have to make another trip to return it and I’ve wasted over two hours of my life this week on CUP DRAMA!

In the words of Elaine Benes, “I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.”

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